And then, this happened…

It was just like this…minus the fur and claws, though.

So as you may have surmised from my previous post, yesterday was not one of my better days. I haven’t come that close to just handing in my notice and going home in a long time.

I was mad all evening. I had a fabulous night out with the girls, incredibly scrummy Italian food, everything I needed to cheer me up. But it didn’t. I was still walking the line between pleasant fun-time Nancy and will bite your face off for looking at me Nancy. I’m sure that my girls were tired of me complaining, and I’m forever grateful to “Whiskey” for hanging around in the parking lot to listen to me rehash my day. Again.

Got home and watched some telly with Hubs. No longer angry but still annoyed. Firestorm on my FB timeline sort of burned itself out. Still annoyed. I just couldn’t seem to shake the WHATEVERITWAS that was driving my blood pressure up and making me twitchy and just generally crabby. I went to bed and woke up several times with a stuffy nose and painful ear (which just reminded me of how I “never get sick and never call out of work” and set me off again). But the last time I managed to drift off, I had a fabulous dream that I’m going to chalk up to equal parts my brain looking for something happy in my miserable Thursday and the universe reminding me that I am loved.

As often happens, I don’t remember the exact circumstance, but I was in Savannah, Georgia, and I was in a restaurant and somehow, my oldest friend (that I still maintain contact with, met him when I was 13) Robby and his beautiful family were eating there. I haven’t spoken to Robby on the phone or in person since I lived in Alabama in ’06-’07, but I heard his voice in my dream as clear as day and followed that sound – the sound of his laugh – over to the table where they were sitting.

I approached the table and immediately he was on his feet, looking down at me with concern. “Are you okay, Lil’ Britches?” his voice rumbled and I began to cry and shake my head no. With the care of a parent comforting a child (or, a bear picking up an orphaned child in a Disney movie), Robby hugged me tight and whispered to me that whatever it was, he loved me anyway. As the dream began to fade, he was shaking hands with Simon, I was hugging his wife Kim, and I just felt so much better. It carried over into today, and I have felt…not happy, but content.

While I know that it was my mind that created that scene, I think it’s important who my mind picked to be my comforter in whatever storm was brewing in the dream. Let the work-related hurricanes blow.


Look for the bare necessities 

The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
That’s why a bear can rest at ease
With just the bare necessities of life


Love you, Baloo, to the moon and back. -LB

Of Nanos and Bad Dreams and too much Hazelnut Latte

Yep, I’m at it again.  I can’t turn down a NaNoWriMo challenge, hard as I (and the universe this time, apparently) try.  One week before it was due to start (Camp Nano this time), the monitor in my beloved little laptop died.  Thankfully all my manuscripts are on Google Drive and most of my photos and other important things are stored here and there online, but it took us until the following Wednesday to secure a new laptop for me.

Got that done and dusted and started in on what would be a departure for me…a mystery novel.  Suspense!  Corpses!  Police Tape!  I was off and running and did about 500 words at the end of what was really day two.  I was on FIRE.

That fire burned out faster than a charcoal grill with the top up.  By day four I was hating my characters and where I was heading, so I didn’t write anything at all on days 5 and 6, hoping that a new idea would magically appear in my mind.  It did not.

But after some soul searching and some time spent with Bryn’s paws in my mouth, her claws in my hair, and her face snuggled up to mine, wet beard dripping down my neck (all of you that have met her and said “I’ve always wanted a wolfhound!” – that was for you)…an idea started brewing, and it was right back in the wheelhouse where I’ve hung curtains and made myself at home: fantasy.  Werewolves this time, I think.  I say I think because I’m not sure yet…my process (much to the annoyance of EVERYONE else I know that writes) is that the characters have to tell me where they are going and what they are doing.  I start with a general idea of what I want the story to be but if someone gets killed off I’m just as surprised as the characters and the readers! Seriously. I know, it’s probably some sort of mental illness.

Along those lines, I had dreams last night that I couldn’t keep hold of that would have been fantastic filler for the Nano, but those all devolved into what is a pattern for me…the anxiety dream.  This time the whateveritis that is causing me stress was masquerading as aliens and the thingImustdothatIcan’t was rescue my loved ones from being taken.  The only two I managed to save were my sister and my niece, but we ended up with a long time friend of mine, Robby (from Ramblings From the Tide) who was all “It’s cool man,” in his best impression of The Dude (which I’m not sure is really an impression, sometimes, as much as it is really him?) and these two alien skinjobs (yeah, I watch Battlestar Galactica, so?) who were holding us hostage.

Now I don’t mean they were of the Lucy Lawless or Michael Trucco variety skinjob.  No, these are my geeky dreams…they looked more like Breckin Meyer from Clueless.  I think one was actually named Travis, now that I think about it.  Anyway, moving on…

I don’t know if we saved the earth from aliens.  My alarm went off just as Robby was whispering his Great Plan to us, whispering because the aliens and my niece Joy had fallen asleep and my sister was threatening us with death if we woke her up.  Why all the anxiety?  Well, that brings me to the third point of my post… hazelnut latte.

I don’t really have all that much to say about it other than I’ve had too much lately, it’s caffeinated, and I had to have a third point because I am the daughter, sister, sister-in-law, and niece of United Methodist ministers and that sort of structure wears off.

So now that I’ve wasted all this time not noveling, it’s time to grab my lunch and crack open the other laptop and get that word count up.  Or just play bubble safari.  Who knows.

Anxiety

Last night, or rather, this morning I had a dream. I dreamed that I wasn’t with Simon anymore, due to some action on my part, and I’d gotten back together with an old college boyfriend called Charles. We were at some big religious thing, which is appropriate since we met while working at Camp Glisson (a United Methodist summer camp in Georgia and the closest place to Heaven on this earth…but I digress…). I slipped away at some point to ring Simon and make sure he was okay. He was angry on the phone and got even more surly when I suggested that since the ticket was already purchased I might just come on to England on Tuesday. I asked if he’d be around, or if I’d just be wandering around Manchester and Leeds on my own for two weeks (funny that I never thought, in my dream, to head to London and see Liz and Andrew)? He said he didn’t know because some of us have to work for a living…

I woke up feeling just AWFUL. Of course nothing of the sort has happened…Charles is apparently married and has kids, for pete’s sake! Anxiety is a funny thing…it sneaks up on you and pounces when you’re defenseless…like when you’re asleep.

Anyway, off to work. Less anxious somewhat for having talked to Simon. Somewhat.

The Perks of Insomnia

Before I start, no, I’m not in an insomnia cycle again, for those of you that worry. Actually quite the opposite, I can’t seem to get enough sleep. I think I totally wore myself out throughout the month of September and I’m still trying to catch up.

I need to preface this by telling you what happened in my little neighborhood yesterday. I’m starting to think maybe it was just a big hallucination because I can’t seem to find anything about it in the local news! However, while cruising my NBC affiliate site I did come up with a jewel of an eyewitness account that I need to share…

Last week a family was robbed at gunpoint at home.

Paul Kelley who lives in the home said he and his family thought what was happening was a joke at first.

“This guy just run in here with a gun. He bounced around like a darn ninja or something,” Kelley told WYFF News 4’s Ron Reynolds.

Too many of those darned ninjas in the Upstate of South Carolina apparently. Yesterday I got home and was going to head right back out to get the dogs some food before playdate at 6pm. As I went about my routine letting the dogs out, I noticed that there was a helicopter overhead…not a strange occurance at all, since I live in between two large hospitals that both have helicopters AND in the flight path of the Greenville Municipal Airport.

But the helicopters didn’t seem to be leaving my neighborhood. In fact, I saw it make a complete circle twice at least. Probably the news helicopter, I thought, and went back inside. As I was getting ready to go to the store, I noticed a police car with its lights on going down my street very slowly. Not something that happens every day. I stepped outside and saw the helicopter again, closer this time, and noticed that it was a police helicopter. Then I noticed the police cars parked at either end of my block, lights on…definitely not something that happens every day.

A neighbor and I spoke briefly (found out he’s originally from Atlanta, small world!) and he then found out from the cop that there had been an armed robbery closeby. The suspect(s) had fled up Bleckley Avenue, one street over from me AND where I used to live! We were asked to go back inside and lock our doors.

Okay, that situation I think led to the dream I had last night.

I dreamed that I lived in a two story house and that I knew somehow that there were criminals on the loose in my neighborhood. I saw one man run through my yard, carefully evading the police cars by hiding behind my trees. I yelled out my window to the cops that he was there and they got him. Interestingly enough, he was wearing a black and white striped prison uniform like the chain gangs in Alabama wear…but I digress.

Remember I said criminalS, as in more than one? Well, after that first one was caught, I apparently went to check my doors and found that my kitchen door wasn’t locked. As I tried to lock it, the knob turned and the other fugitive pushed his way into my house. In my dream I could feel his hands on my neck and the coldness of the gun against my face! Ugh. I remember crying and pleading with him not to hurt my dogs, who of course were standing in the kitchen doorway wagging their tails. He looked at me and then turned toward them. Right before I woke up I heard him say “Come’ere, Daisy…”

Man alive. I could have done without that dream. Guess how many times I’ve checked the locks on my house since I woke up!!!

Insomnia has its perks, for sure.

What Dreams May Come…Again…and be TiVo’d

This week I moved further into the 21st century and got a TiVo. What I ever did before that I don’t know…this is the easiest and fastest way to see what I want to see on television I’ve ever known. Of course, I’m sure I said the same thing about my first VCR…

My power apparently blinked off yesterday morning, a fact that doesn’t really mean that much because it’s a Saturday, but it did allow me to sleep in because the alarm didn’t go off. While my fuzzy alarm clocks did whimper and nudge at various times, they didn’t rouse me from sleep until almost 10am…something that NEVER happens in this house anymore.

I chose not to set my clock until just this morning. Well, let’s be honest, I just didn’t set it because my ADHD-wannabe mind was wrapped up in a zillion other things instead. Again, this morning, I slept until 9am, but this morning I had some disturbing dreams. I think my brain was trying to warn me that I needed to get up.

The first one took place in an airport I think. I might have being going to or returning from the UK. Either way, a young man that I’ve kind of been crushing on (can you tell I have friends that are teenagers?) was in the dream and suddenly he was with another woman. All I remember of that dream was walking along behind them and seeing them start holding hands. In retrospect, I realize that the woman looks a lot like his ex-wife…but in the dream I remember thinking she’d come out of nowhere and feeling kind of “Oh well” about the whole thing.

The second one took place at Sandy Paws, a greyhound gathering I attend in the spring. I knew the people I was staying with and had all my animals there, even my cat Mills. Someone had some greyhound puppies there, and Mills was playing with the puppies.

Suddenly these people came in, saying something about the puppies making noise, and gathered them all up into a duffel bag. It had mesh on the sides and I could see Mills in there with them, meowing, but the puppies barking and whining drowned out the meows. They took the back out the door and I hopped up to follow them. Once outside they took off at breakneck speed, dragging the bag on the ground! I chased them to some woods and caught up to them as they dumped the pups out, saying that here they wouldn’t bother people with their noise. I scooped up Mills and then confronted one of the men. He made a comment to his friend about me being AR (anti-racing) and I got in his face to tell him he was wrong. He blew me off and walked away.

Bizarr-O. Both dreams had a common theme though…I was left alone, feeling like “I knew that was going to happen,” and not being able to change anything to make myself happy. I think I need to get up on time tomorrow, and leave the drama to TiVo.