Some days, for me at least, the old addage is very true: “The more people I meet, the more I like my dogs.”
I will freely admit that one of the driving forces in my life is to feel like I am needed. I am not a “loner.” I am most unhappy when I am alone. The dogs make me happy because they need me. As much as I hate to admit it, I think that’s why I chose the profession I am in currently. The two parties that don’t share a common language need me to be there in order to communicate.
So why is it that I surround myself with friends that don’t need me? Not all of them, mind you…but it seems that the ones that end up being the most important to me are the ones that could take me or leave me in their lives? Let me give you an example. I have a friendship that has developed via email based around a common interest. This friend means the world to me, but I never feel like I am enough to satisfy what this person needs. We argue about it, even…I am either trying too hard to “take care” of my friend (something that unfortuately for me comes so naturally I don’t realize I’m doing it) or I don’t care anymore about the person (in that person’s perspective). Now in my humble-and-sometimes-wrong point of view, this friend of mine tends to push people away, comes out swinging and apologizes later sometimes, and generally is unwilling to let people in.
So why do I keep trying?
Because that same person can be a loving, compassionate, fun, caring person, and I keep trying in the hopes that I will settle on the right combination of actions/words that will bring back the friend that I enjoy spending time with…silly, isn’t it? I’m sure that a lot of the problems in that friendship wouldn’t even happen if it was a face to face relationship rather than via the internet…
Our world has gotten so much smaller due to the internet, but at the same time, some of us couldn’t be further apart.
Maybe I just need coffee.