Be Sweet?

At a McDonald’s somewhere in the upstate, as I pulled up to the window to pay for my breakfast…

Kid Running the Drive Thru Window: Ya got anything for me? (cue huge grin that would blind you if the sun hit his teeth JUST right)

Me: (hands him the money in stunned silence)

Kid Running the Drive Thru Window: Yep, that’ll work! (cue grin number two)

Girl that was the Voice that took my order: Here you go. (hands me the bag of food and my soda)

Kid Running the Drive Thru Window: (leans out with my change and receipt) Be sweet. (said in his best “I’m 18 but I’m sultry” voice as he BRUSHES my fingers intentionally with his)

Me: (drive away laughing my fool head off)

Profile Seinfeld (or how to win a talent show)

So we’re at Sandy Paws, right? I mention to my FTH buddies that I’m thinking of entering Profile in the talent contest because he knows his obedience commands in ASL. They all go with me and thanks to one of them knowing the MC we get entered, allbeit late.

Our turn comes and I’m breaking bits of lamb lung into teeny pieces as we walk out center stage. “Profile knows his commands in American Sign Language,” I say proudly. I then notice that he’s got THAT LOOK in his eye.

Those of you that know him know what look I’m talking about. It generally preceeds something getting peed on or a mad dash about the den like it’s the race track at Lowe’s Motor Speedway.

“Sit” I sign to him. He backs up and scans the audience to make sure he’s being watched. “Sit” I tell him again and he goes into a down. “That’s not a sit,” I say, reaching down for a better grip on his leash. At that moment he decided to do the trick he taught himself, so he stands up on his hind legs and snatches the treat from my fingers, grinning like a fool.

The audience roars with laughter.

He did manage to “leave it” (with me signing it I might add) when I put the lamb lung on the ground in front of him (after I finally got the ham to down!) and I swear he waited until I looked up to smile at the audience in relief before pouncing on it. “I’m done,” I announce, giving a tug on his leash.

He sat.

So next comes the voting for winner. “And tied for first is WomanWhoWentBeforeUs with her dog DoesAllTricksPerfectly and Nan with Profile for their COMEDY ROUTINE.”

We had to do something else for the tie breaker so I picked something I know he loves to do when people will clap for him. He grinned like a fool, and we came away with first place.

Comedy Routine. Miss Jane would be so proud…

Out with the Old, In with the NEW…sorta

This weekend I will be bidding a fond farewell to some furniture that has served me well over the past eleven years. Wow, eleven years, that’s really an incredible lifespan for a couch and loveseat!

I got the loveseat first when I moved to West Virginia. (My apartment was too small for the couch.) I sat on that loveseat, ate dinner on that loveseat, raised two precocious kittens on that loveseat…I even camped out on it, surrounded securely by a ring of Raid sprayed onto the carpet, when those little bundles of fluffy joy expelled their fleas into my apartment…

I then moved to Athens. The couch was reunited with the loveseat and the three of us lived, loved, slept, and ate together for three years in my wonderful little townhome on the East side. I miss that apartment, truth be told. My cats were bigger and less prone to scaling the ends of the furniture like tiny mountain climbers.

When I got married and moved to South Carolina, I parted ways with the sofa and loveseat. They were cleaned well and went to live with my sister in her new apartment. She kept them and used them and slept on them and all as I moved from my house in Spartanburg to an apartment in Anderson to a house in Anderson. She then married Dave and no longer needed the sofa and loveseat so they again came to live with me.

When we separated and I moved out last November, the sofa and loveseat came with me. Alas, they are but mere shells of their former selves, having had six years worth of greyhound toes digging into their cushions and now eleven years of heineys sitting on them. I was forced to buy slip covers for them just so they didn’t look so ragged and inviting to even more digging from the hounds.

I fear I have kept them alive past their prime, and all I am doing now is prolonging their suffering. However, Amy and Charles have come to the rescue. They got new furniture with their tax refund and are giving me their sofa, loveseat, and matching chair! No more slip covers. Just happy, clean sofas.

Now I just need to do something with my old friends. Leaving them out on the curb doesn’t seem right, and putting them on the front porch would make me look even more white trashy than I already do. Maybe Goodwill has a nuclear powered furniture-cleaner-upper somewhere back in their store…

Shaking the Sand from our Paws and Unpacking our Adjectives

There will be a pictoral post later. I can’t get to photobucket or flickr from here at work…not that I’m doing anything but working…I swear…

“When you come home from a trip…remember this little tip…” -“Unpack Your Adjectives,” Schoolhouse Rock

Thursday, 2 March 2006

I got up late as usual and made a mad dash to pack the car, clean myself up, shove the dogs in on top of the suitcases and hit the road. Luckily Kim and Leah got stuck in traffic around Charlotte so I wasn’t that late meeting them. We got the Carolina Convoy in line at a rest stop on I-26 and headed south.

We arrived at the resort in the early afternoon and headed to our respective rooms. Leah called to see if we wanted to head to JAX with her to see the schooling races and then go to the kennel…well DUH, Daisy’s there, hello? Fed my pups, left them passed out on the beds and headed for JAX, an hour’s drive from Jekyll.

Now y’all, I am not good in person with people I don’t know. While I kinda feel like I know the folks from Follow that Hound they are still people who only know me via the internet and I’m really NOT as charming, silly, witty, and intelligent as I appear online. Heck I’d be sunk here on the blog without spellcheck… Anyway, those two ladies charmed the pants off me during the ride down…by the time we got there I had barely any makeup left from the crying fits brought on by too much laughter. There was the infamous incident where Leah almost ran a red light and I bounced off the back of her headrest, the woman in the drive thru at the McDonalds that sounded like a teacher from Charlie Brown, and the joke we saw walking down a side street in JAX: a nun and a prostitute. I’m surprised that the kennel security let us in when Mama Caffie got there, we’d been guffawing in the parking lot for an hour prior.

Then all time and space stopped and I laid eyes on my girly for the first time. She looks like she was cut from marble, her muscles and bones and face and all are just so perfect. Her ears perked up and I thought I would die…but that was just seeing her in the turn out pen. Seeing her in her crate, getting to touch her head and kiss her soft fur…I’m getting teary now just thinking about it.

We met Trish and Chris as well as Mama Caffie, Daddy Bill, and Anne while we were there Thursday night and Kim got a surprise visit from Dodger, her pre-adopted pup! She thought he was at the farm but he’d been moved to the kennel…and I think dogs in 16 states paused and tried to bury their heads to block out the squeal she let out when Mama Caffie said, “See that brindle there? That’s Dodger…”

Friday, 3 March 2006

Day one at Sandy Paws. We registered and then we shopped and shopped. Pictures will be forthcoming tonight of all the loot my puppers collected…mostly collars. They haven’t had a chance to have lots of pretty collars until now so I might have gone a tad overboard…just a tad.

Kim and Leah went to St. Mary’s with Ann to get their tattoos about lunchtime. I was supposed to go as well but I wimped out. There’s always next year I suppose… I shopped some more, and then just hung out with my puppers. I am so very proud of them, they behaved better than a lot of the other hounds I saw there…yanking things off tables, running around snapping at other hounds that got too close, etc. It has taken six years and a lot of work but I feel that I can pretty much take my three anywhere and not have to worry too much.

Friday night was the Roo-Au but we decided to eat dinner in the lobby. One of the highlights was when Trish and Anne sent me to the bar to order them some “Girl Drinks.” I just told that to the bartender who looked at me like I was nuts. I explained that I thought they probably had liquor in them and maybe an umbrella? She thought for a moment then started mixing things up.

Saturday, 4 March 2006

Day 2 at Sandy Paws. The reiki seminar was cancelled, much to my dismay, so I was forced to do more shopping. There was a plan to go to a local restaurant for lunch, but that turned into hot dogs and chili at the villa with the JAX crowd. Ace, a race dog that was visiting Sandy Paws and a possible pre-adopter was fascinated with the hot dogs and the kitchen…he even tried to stuff himself into the refrigerator.

Saturday afternoon was the talent show. I got there late, of course, and wouldn’t have gotten in if Mama Caffie hadn’t spoken to the guy in charge. Profile wouldn’t do any of his commands other than SIT in ASL, but we somehow ended up tied for first place for our “comedy routine.” Maybe we should take it on the road? He grinned on command in the run off and we won! Bless his little pointed head…

Saturday night was rough. There was a memorial service for all the dogs that had left us since last year’s event, and I went with Liz’s tags in my hand. People got up and talked about their pets that had died and I was really okay until Diane of Burpdog Biscuit fame talked about missing the white face in her pack. Lizzard looked like Minnie Mouse with her white face and dark brindle ears…and I bawled as quietly as I could, sitting on the astroturf floor and hugging the stuffing out of my three. Hunky and I went to the beach after that and wrote Lizzard’s name in the sand. I stuck the glow-stick they’d provided in the dot over the I in her name, and then Hunky walked right through her name…scattering it to the four winds. I think it was symbolic though…it’s time for me to put aside the loss of her physical presence and concentrate on the aspect of her that will always be with those of us that loved her.

After that I was up till 3am with Trish and Anne talking smack…well, holy smack to be technical. The dogs came away with collars from Sandy Paws…I came away with new friends.

Sunday, 5 March 2006

My roommate Kim got up early Sunday and left to head home, leaving me to pack for my Jacksonville adventure. We loaded up the car again and headed out to see puppies, racers, and most importantly, my Daisy girl’s first official schooling race. To be continued…

The Other Side of Gattitown

The link above is to Amy’s recount of the Gattitown excursion this past Saturday. She left out that Kalyne and I went with them and were witness to Drew’s white-knuckling of the pole on his carousel horse as well as the moment when he learned how to swipe the Gattitown cards that are used to ride the various attractions and play games. Good on ya, Nephew…now go for the one with the numbers in Mommy’s wallet…

Kalyne and I rode the bumper cars first, which for me was more a “spinning uncontrollably in circles in the corner” than a ride. You can’t go backward or forward, really, as the controllers move you either to the left or the right. I did learn that if you slam both of them forward at the same time you will hurtle yourself in somewhat of a forward position and if you do the same thing only backward you’re asking for a concussion.

Side note to my dear friend Kris: Yes, I remember what a concussion really is, and believe me, I could have given myself one on several attempts to move backward in that bumper car had my head not already been thrown to one side or another by someone else plowing into me. It truly is a wonder that I have a driver’s license.

Next came a round of Air Hockey. I play this at the hospital sometimes with the patients. Easy enough, I thought.

Square off with Kalyne “I am going to make you bleed even though this isn’t a real ice rink and the puck is only an inch thick” Lynch across an Air Hockey table and see if you don’t come away visibly shaken and crying for your mommy! She beat me, obviously, and even overcame the two shots I made where the puck came off the table. Seems I haven’t gotten over the problem that started in my college billiards class where the ball became airborne a few times. Luckily that mom grabbed her kid out of the way before the puck became one with her noggin, but I digress…

After that we headed for Skee Ball, otherwise known as The Only Thing In An Arcade That Nan Can Do Well. I managed to beat “mah Thug” with a score of 28,000, and I choose not to notice that at the start of the round that produced that score the machine started me with 2,000 points. Technicality, I say. Not worth more than a cursory mention.

When we had fended off the sad looking little boy standing behind us that wanted our skee ball machine for as long as we could, we took in a few rounds of hoops. I have never liked that game for several reasons: 1. I normally can’t get the ball through the hoop if I’m standing above it and place it there. 2. I’m really afraid of games that might injure my hands, and a plethora of basketballs hurtling toward my fingers just doesn’t seem that safe. 3. Charles used to want me to play that with him and he always beat me into a pulp due to his freakish talent with a basketball. I swear I used to think the machine saw him coming and would just give up on the spot.

We played the basketball one till it broke, literally…either that or time truly can stand still because there were seven seconds left on the clock for about fifteen minutes. Once I pried Kalyne off the basketballs I hopped onto a video game that simulates skateboarding. Did you know that when you hit something on one of those games, there is an announcer that goes “Aw Man…” so loud I bet my mother heard it in Cleveland, Georgia? Nothing got by that announcer, and by the time I got to the bottom of the “run” on my head, my toon got up and put her face in her hands.

Last was another round of Air Hockey, and this time Kalyne took pity on me I think. My puck only came off the table once during that round but she still beat me. For all her work and effort, she came away with a green, fully posable alien, a lovely Chinese fan, and a teeny purple see through ninja…whom I quickly defeated when I hit the gas and he fell off my dashboard. Haha, secret ninja power is no match for the might of the HONDA!

Maybe I did hit my head too hard on those bumper cars after all…