Red Stockings and Scripture Readings

Here’s my holiday advice, free of charge. If you buy a smashing new jumper (the American meaning, a short dress…not the English meaning/a sweater) that’s all pretty and Christmasy plaid and looks outstanding with your new favorite red Old Navy turtleneck, and you’re slated to read a lesson during the “Lessons and Carols” Christmas Eve service at your Dad’s church, don’t wear red tights. Seriously. I caught sight of myself in the window at the chinese restaurant where we ate after church (the only place in town open) and let’s just say Santa’s Elves have got NOTHING on me.

Further, should you try on said jumper and think “Oh, it’s a bit tight here and there but that will just hold all of me in nicely and the plaid will hide my Michelin Man physique…” You are wrong, my friend, wrong wrong wrong.

Imagine my joy when, in my short plaid too tight jumper and BLINDING red turtleneck and tights (just say a small prayer of thanks that I took off the red shoes in favor of black ones, since the red shoes have a tendency to slip off at the wrong moment…oh, and they’re RED), the decision was made that those doing readings would sit in the choir loft…facing the congregation.

Well. At least I didn’t mispronounce anything in my reading and didn’t fall off the stage or onto the poor, now blinded people I was sitting next to on the pew. Happy Christmas, y’all. I think I need another cuppa tea.

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