Yesterday I fulfilled a dream I’ve had since I was a child. I got glasses. Growing up I was the ONLY one in my family that didn’t have glasses and I felt rather left out. My parents and sister think I’m INSANE. I see it as the same as being the only redhead in the family, or the only deaf member of a hearing family (as many of my friends are), you just want to be the same as your biologicals, right?
Anyway, I had apparently lost my mind because I went to the Lens Crafters AT THE MALL yesterday around 11am, thinking I’d be in and out in not more than two hours. No Rx Ms Lassiter? Ahhhh you need to see the eye doctor. No problem. I’m a walk-in, so 45 minutes later I’m reading letters projected into a mirror and testing my depth perception. Then I go into another room for the dreaded glaucoma test…the puff of air in the eye. Somehow they had to do my left eye three times and my right only once. Go figure. No glaucoma there.
Next the dreaded question that I’d heard from the lobby…”Now, are you okay with us numbing and then dilating your eyes?” Huh? No idea, never had it done before. She explained what it would involve and how they’d be dilated for about 2 hours afterward (try FOUR, in actuality) but by the time I got my glasses I should be okay to drive home. I agreed to it and ended up back in the lobby waiting my turn with the doctor.
I suppose because they were numb I couldn’t feel the pupils actually stretching to the edges of my eyelashes because I was just reading the BBC on my blackberry when suddenly the lights got BRIGHT in the room and the text got fuzzy. BAM! I’m a big baby about most things, ask anyone that knows me, but crimney that was scary. I mean, I’ve gotten used to things being fuzzy a bit, but that was bizarre…from a news story on post office closings in the UK to a grey mass in my hand with slightly blue edges.
Saw the doctor. No big deal there. Get this…I don’t have enough astigmatism for him to write a Rx for glasses to correct it. “Not yet,” he said. What did I need? Are you ready? I wasn’t…
So after that stunning news I was sent out to pick out frames. Remember my bright and blurry vision? Yeah, who knows what some of those glasses really looked like on me! I know that there was one pair I ADORED but it was burgundy with a hint of green…I never wear those colors and I didn’t want my glasses to clash with my clothes.
Yep, I just said that. Y’all that know me well take a second to recover.
Got frames, paid exorbitant amount of money, headed out to kill an hour in the mall. Holy smack is the mall bright and twinkly and painful when your eyes can’t close to block out light. UGH. I made my way to the food court, had some lunch, and then wandered back to find an ICE RINK in the middle of the mall! ICE SKATING! I love ice skating! I fought with myself for a few minutes not to spend the $6 to take a turn on the ice…picture that why don’tcha? Me spinning around on a slick surface…a slick WHITE AND REFLECTS LIGHT surface surrounded by children that are whizzing past and knocking each other down? Thankfully for my knees and bum I decided NOT to try skating while under the influence of dilation drops.
Got the glasses, headed out for more shopping. Thankfully the dreary weather we had last week cleared up yesterday and it was SUNNY outside. I made it to Target and then went home. Didn’t make it in time to get to talk to my friend from Yorkshire on the phone, so I finally fell asleep on my chair in the den watching television.
What an exciting life I lead…but hey, I’ve got GLASSES!!!