Several things have become clear to me just this morning…possibly guided by too much coffee, but I prefer to think it’s a settling-into-self that I’ve been working on now that I’m going to be “myself” again soon.
First, I don’t know nearly enough about what’s going on in the world these days. I follow current events from about 5 paces back, so I have a general idea of what’s going on but not much more. I call myself a Democrat and more importantly, a liberal, but what does that mean nowadays? I should be up on the current changes to the tax code, the status of the “war” in Iraq, and the potential candidates for post-Dubya Clean Up Duty. I should be, but I’m not.
Heck, I didn’t even know Bolton had a moustache, let alone how angry it is.
I’ve been reading blogs and message boards today, trying to get a sense of some of these hot button issues, but it isn’t working. Guess I’ll have to go to the CNN website and just start reading.
Second, I’m finding less and less love for something that was an obsession of mine just recently… Everquest. For those who don’t know, it’s an online Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG) and a definite time sink. Part of my problem currently is that I came into EQ (or Ever-Crack) late compared to most of the folks I play with on a regular basis, so the content I’m interested in is old hat or “junk” to them, and I end up playing the game alone or not playing. Tell me again why I pay money every month to play an MMORPG that has basically turned into a one person shooter? Anyway…I still find it occasionally interesting and challenging, but with my impending life-changes I’m finding less time to sit for 6-8 hours in front of the computer.
Finally, I am just tired. I push myself too hard to do too many things at once, even if those things are all basically cerebral in nature and don’t require leaving the house. I want things to work out now. I want that instant gratification. When I decided to leave Scott (or we decided to leave each other, more accurately), I wanted to wake up the next morning with the papers in my hand, my name changed back, and my new life in front of me like a proper southern breakfast. I wanted to be a mom right away. I wanted to be past the tough stuff and into the fun. Doesn’t work that way, and I stress myself out unnecessarily trying to make it so.
Whew…now I’ve run out of coffee.